Sunshine (posted by Laura)

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away

The other night dear, as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken
So I hung my head and I cried.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away
 
When Luke and his brothers were young I would often wake them for school by singing the “Rise and Shine” song, the Winnie-the-Pooh theme song, “It’s Time to Rise and Shine”, etc..  As they got older and the singing became more annoying to them, I (of course) still sang to them.  The annoying (and off-key) mom-singing wouldn't stop until they got out of bed.  Good motivation!
 
Sometimes I would sing the chorus of “You are My Sunshine”.  When I would sing that to Luke it would hit me how true it was.  Luke was my sunshine.  He was such a happy, smiling baby, toddler, and young child.  His favorite color was yellow.  He loved interacting with people.  If someone seemed down or unhappy, Luke would do his best to cheer them up.  He loved just being with me, his mom, whatever we were doing and wherever we went.  Luke was my baby, and I savored all my “last” mom experiences with him. 
 
Often as I would sing the last line, “please don’t take my sunshine away,” I would tear up and in my heart I would beg God not to let anything happen to Luke that would take him away from me on this earth.  I would also chide myself for having this fear.  After Luke was diagnosed with stage IV cancer on his 15th birthday, that fear became real.  I wondered if that was why I would so often tear up to this song when Luke was so young and perfectly healthy.  Was it because God was somehow telling my spirit that one day I would experience the pain of losing my son?  I wondered if I treasured my sons and being a mother too much, that maybe it was an idol to me, or that God was trying to teach me a lesson.  Now I just wonder if all along God knew we would lose Luke way too soon, so He made sure Luke lived his life abundantly and touched all he came in contact with in positive, memorable way.
 
“You Are My Sunshine” was always a bittersweet song for me to sing to Luke.  Today it is still bittersweet for me.  I hear it and remember cuddling with Luke, in his yellow bedroom, as he was waking up as a very young child or making sarcastic comments to me as I sang it to him as a pre-teen to get him out of bed.  And I remember the touch of grief that would overcome me thinking, “what if I lost Luke?” as I sang the last line.  My memories of Luke today often bring a smile to my face.  To me Luke was sunshine personified.  He was always there to light up a room, to warm sad hearts, and to grow friendships with all he met.  His smile would shine bright the joy and optimism he felt in his heart and soul, because that’s who God made Luke to be. 

Missing my sunshine every day,
Laura